<html>
<head>
<style><!--
.hmmessage P
{
margin:0px;
padding:0px
}
body.hmmessage
{
font-size: 10pt;
font-family:Tahoma
}
--></style>
</head>
<body class='hmmessage'><div dir='ltr'>
Pity. Would have been something to see!<br><br><div><hr id="stopSpelling">Date: Sun, 30 Oct 2011 13:46:37 +0000<br>From: marcus.jones.wxm@gmail.com<br>To: chester@mailman.lug.org.uk<br>Subject: Re: [Chester LUG] Jimmy Saville have I got news for you transcript<br><br>Don't panic. It's all fake!<br><br><div class="ecxgmail_quote">On 30 October 2011 11:13, David Holden <span dir="ltr"><<a href="mailto:dh@iucr.org">dh@iucr.org</a>></span> wrote:<br><blockquote class="ecxgmail_quote" style="border-left:1px #ccc solid;padding-left:1ex">
Yikes!<br>
<br>
<br>
On 29/10/11 18:34, Paul Williams wrote:<br>
> Apparently, this was actually recorded during the last series of "Have I<br>
> Got<br>
> News For You" when Jimmy Saville was a guest on Paul Merton's team.<br>
> Incredibly, it didn't make our screens. (It seems that Mr. Merton doesn't<br>
> like Mr. Saville very much)<br>
><br>
> Out-take 3:09'36<br>
> During the headline round:<br>
> DEAYTON: You used to be a wrestler didn't you?<br>
> SAVILLE: I still am.<br>
> DEAYTON: Are you?<br>
> SAVILLE: I'm feared in every girls' school in the country.<br>
> (Audience laugh)<br>
> DEAYTON: Yeah, I've heard about that.<br>
> SAVILLE: What have you heard?<br>
> DEAYTON: I've...<br>
> MERTON: Something about a c*nt with a rancid, pus-filled cock.<br>
> (Huge audience laugh; Awkward pause)<br>
> SAVILLE: I advise you to wash your mouth out, my friend...<br>
> MERTON: That's what she had to do! (Audience laughs)<br>
> HISLOP: Weren't you leaving money in phone boxes or something?<br>
> (Saville glares at him) Or have I got completely the wrong end of the...<br>
> SAVILLE: (To Deayton, heavily) The question you asked was about wrestling.<br>
> DEAYTON: Yes. And then you mentioned girls' schools. I don't know whe...<br>
> SAVILLE: Well I understood this was a comedy programme. I realise now<br>
> how wrong I was. (Audience laugh)<br>
> DEAYTON: So were you a professional wrestler?<br>
> SAVILLE: Yes I was.<br>
> DEAYTON: (To audience) Glad we got that cleared up.(Pulls face; audience<br>
> giggles)<br>
> HISLOP: Feared by every girls' school in the country...<br>
> SAVILLE: That's right.<br>
> MERTON: Due to having a rancid, pus-filled cock.(Huge audience laugh)<br>
> DEAYTON: Erm...<br>
> HISLOP: You're on top form tonight, Paul...<br>
> SAVILLE: (Strangely) I'm...this is not what I...<br>
> FLOOR MANAGER: (OOV) OK, do you...(inaudible section)...shall we, for<br>
> pick-ups...<br>
> MERTON: I'm terribly sorry. I don't know what came over me.<br>
> SAVILLE: A pus-filled cock, I imagine. (Shocked audience laugh)<br>
> MERTON: Oh, it's nice to see you joining in. We'd been waiting for you,<br>
> you sad senile old shitter. (Audience appears to do double-take)<br>
> DEAYTON: I think we...d-d-you you want to apologise to our guest, Paul?<br>
> MERTON: Sorry, I do apologise. Sir senile old shitter, is what I meant<br>
> to say.<br>
> (Audience laugh; pause) Sir senile old shitter...who fucks minors.<br>
> (Audience unrest)<br>
> HISLOP: Sorry, I'm just looking at our lawyer again. (Waves) Hello!<br>
> (Audience laughs)<br>
> DEAYTON: Shall we get back on course with this, or sha...<br>
> SAVILLE: I do fuck miners, that's quite correct. I have always done so.<br>
> They can do the most wonderful things with cigars. The coal...<br>
> MERTON: What, they stick them up your senile, pus-filled arse?<br>
> (Audience laughs)<br>
> FLOOR MANAGER: (OOV): Come on...I'm getting an ear-bashing here. It's...<br>
> MERTON: Oh they want to continue. Sorry, I'll contain myself. Carry on...<br>
> DEAYTON: Right (Pause) You used to be a professional wrestler didn't you?<br>
> (Huge audience laugh)<br>
> SAVILLE: (Calmly) I did.<br>
> DEAYTON: You didn't have a nickname or anything?<br>
> SAVILLE: Yes - 'Loser'. (Audience laughs)<br>
> ___________________________________<br>
> Out-take 4: 21'20<br>
> Following a discussion about caravans:<br>
> DEAYTON: Last month, Roger Moore sold his luxury caravan in Malta. Asked<br>
> by the...<br>
> MERTON: I visited your caravan the other week, Jimmy.<br>
> SAVILLE: Did you really?<br>
> MERTON: Oh yes. Interesting what you can find, if you have a bit of a poke.<br>
> (Audience laugh)<br>
> HISLOP: He just told you, it was twelve years ago...<br>
> SAVILLE: No, I lived in it for twelve years.<br>
> MERTON: And fucked twelve year olds. (Audience laugh)<br>
> DEAYTON: Here we go again...I'll be backstage if anyone wants me.<br>
> MERTON: (Indicating Saville) That's what you said to the kids on your<br>
> show, wasn't it?<br>
> (Audience laugh)<br>
> SAVILLE: No, they never did want me.<br>
> HISLOP: Not even Sarah Cornley?<br>
> SAVILLE: She was an exception.<br>
> DEAYTON: Who's Sarah Cornley?<br>
> SAVILLE: Sarah Cornley is...<br>
> HISLOP: About fifteen grand in damages, wasn't she?<br>
> (Uncertain audience laugh)<br>
> SAVILLE: That's right.<br>
> HISLOP: So if I was going to mention that you threatened to break her<br>
> arm if she said anything...<br>
> SAVILLE: You'd be very wrong. (Pause) I said I'd break both her arms.<br>
> (Audience unease)<br>
> MERTON: Fucking hell. I mean, you're just sitting there, all shell suit<br>
> and cigar wearing those fucking...I don't know what they are.<br>
> SAVILLE: Chrome-plated SC-700 sun-visors, these are. Sent to me by...<br>
> MERTON: We don't give a shit. Ladies and gentlemen, Sir James Saville<br>
> OBE. Jim has fixed it for me to have my arms broken. Meet this<br>
> depressing old fucked up c*nt of a fucker on television who's riddled<br>
> with cancer and fucking pubic lice.<br>
> HISLOP: (To lawyer again) Hello! (Audience laughs)<br>
> MERTON: Christ, I mean ha ha, big fucking joke - the fucking lawyers are<br>
> involved, tee hee. It doesn't change anything.<br>
> DEAYTON: (Visibly out of character) Do you wanna stop, or...?<br>
> MERTON: No I don't fucking want to stop. It's all shit! You'll expect a<br>
> comedy walkout in a minute, won't you? I mean, big bloody joke - I'm<br>
> going to quote Shakespeare in a minute, how fucking out of character.<br>
> And Ian knows about football - oh my fucking sides.<br>
> SAVILLE: You've never fucked anyone in your life, boy.<br>
> MERTON: Oh fuck off...<br>
> FLOOR MANAGER: (OOV) ...About five minutes, just to...(Phil Davey enters)<br>
> PHIL DAVEY: OK, well top that as they say. You're looking troubled by<br>
> that, aren't you mate? I tell you, I came back from Amsterdam recently...<br>
> RECORDING PLACED ON STAND-BY; CUTS BACK TO CLOSE-UP OF DEAYTON<br>
> AWAITING HIS CUE<br>
> DEAYTON: OK. Second time lucky. (Pause) Last month, Roger Moore sold<br>
> his luxury caravan in Malta. Asked by the New York Times about his<br>
> relaxed acting style...<br>
><br>
><br>
><br>
> _______________________________________________<br>
> Chester mailing list<br>
> <a href="mailto:Chester@mailman.lug.org.uk">Chester@mailman.lug.org.uk</a><br>
> <a href="https://mailman.lug.org.uk/mailman/listinfo/chester" target="_blank">https://mailman.lug.org.uk/mailman/listinfo/chester</a><br>
<font color="#888888"><br>
--<br>
Dr David Holden. (<a href="mailto:dh@iucr.org">dh@iucr.org</a>)<br>
<br>
_______________________________________________<br>
Chester mailing list<br>
<a href="mailto:Chester@mailman.lug.org.uk">Chester@mailman.lug.org.uk</a><br>
<a href="https://mailman.lug.org.uk/mailman/listinfo/chester" target="_blank">https://mailman.lug.org.uk/mailman/listinfo/chester</a><br>
</font></blockquote></div><br>
<br>_______________________________________________
Chester mailing list
Chester@mailman.lug.org.uk
https://mailman.lug.org.uk/mailman/listinfo/chester</div> </div></body>
</html>