<html><head><style type="text/css"><!-- DIV {margin:0px;} --></style></head><body><div style="font-family:tahoma,new york,times,serif;font-size:10pt"><h1><font size="2">Hi all, <br>thought you might like a little light-hearted humour</font><font size="2">, thinking of Lee regarding the 1st related story <br></font></h1><span style="font-weight: bold;">(Could have been written by him)</span><br style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">dave</span><br><br><h1><a href="http://humorix.org/articles/2008/01/satan/">Bill Gates is NOT Satan, Says Satan</a></h1>
<h2><span class="storytype">Fake News</span>
written by <span class="author"><a href="http://humorix.org/people/#James-Baughn">James Baughn</a></span>
on <span class="pubdate">January 23, 2008</span></h2>
<div class="dept">from the lots-of-hot-air dept.</div><p>HADES
-- Sick and tired of hearing various "Bill Gates is Satan" jokes, the
Prince of Darkness today issued an edict demanding an end to such
friviolities. </p>
<p> "How dare you compare Bill Gates to me!" Satan snarled during a
fake press conference from the Fire & Brimstone Briefing Room
broadcast live on CSPAN. "Yes, we all know Windows is an evil piece of
crap -- and I applaud Bill Gates for his efforts -- but he doesn't even
come close to the sheer vileness that I possess!" </p>
<p> The comparisons started on Usenet in the 1990s, when a popular joke
circulated about a dead Bill Gates choosing an eternity in Hell instead
of Heaven, only to discover that the paradise version of Hell he first
experienced was only a vaporware demo. This meme quickly morphed into
various jokes connecting Microsoft with Hell, such as the classic
one-liner, "Welcome to Hell. Here's your complimentary copy of Windows
ME." </p>
<p> It didn't take long before direct Gates vs. Satan checklists made
the rounds. Satan: Torments billions of lost souls with fire and
brimstone. Gates: Torments billions of computer users with bluescreens
and driver errors. Satan: Promises anything, only to deliver eternal
damnation. Gates: Promises anything, only to deliver Vista. </p>
<p> Nevertheless, Lucifer is no longer amused at the parodies. "Bill
Gates is nothing compared to me!" he bellowed while poking out the eyes
of a nearby sinner. "I command the universe's largest collection of
diabolical minions to do my bidding. What does Gates command? His
minions took five years to make an operating system that can't even
copy files across a network faster than dial-up speeds. That's not
evil, that's just sad." </p>
<p> Microsoft employees have sided with Satan. "These comparisons have
never been fair!" said Steve Ballmer's secretary and chair arranger.
"Bill Gates has brought computers to the masses, just like Gutenberg
brought literacy to the masses. He should be considered a saint!"</p>
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