[sclug] OT: Social question

Jason Rivers jason at jasonrivers.co.uk
Mon Jun 1 09:00:19 UTC 2009

On Sun, 31 May 2009 19:58:34 +0000, ed <ed at s5h.net> wrote:
> On Sun, May 31, 2009 at 08:04:12PM +0100, Neil Brown wrote:
>> I've had absolutely no problem making female friends - most of my
>> friends are female, I'd guess - but, finding someone I wanted as a
>> girlfriend was much harder. However, since Newbury is a small place, and
>> I wanted to avoid going down the line of a relationship with anyone in
>> the same company, my options were limited... I make a lot of friends
>> online, and often meet up with people who I first met online (SCLUG
>> being an example), and, for me, it's this combination which has worked
>> best- a chance to really chat to people and find out about them, prior
>> to meeting them.
> You're very right, Newbury is a small place. With only three or four
> clubs I keep bumping into exes. One night this month I counted three in
> one club :( The first two are not a problem, but for me with the third,
> I still have some very deep emotions for. Sadly though, I can't stand
> seeing her with her new boy friend.
> So, I think the geographically distant thing does have some advantages -
> if you are prone to getting emotionally attached perhaps. Perhaps if I
> wasn't so needy then this wouldn't be such a problem for me.
> Do you frequent the clubs at all Neil? There is sweet FA to do here.
>> As it happened, I met up with a girl, having chatted and got on well
>> online, and we came away from the date each thinking "Phew-  I won't
>> have to see her again" - online / at-a-distance impressions can be
>> Or, perhaps not, since, having continued to chat to each other online
>> afterwards, we realised that we really did get on with each other, and
>> that the first date had just not worked out... We met up again,
>> immediately clicked that time, and we're still together, and very
>> happily so.
> This is quite interesting. I've had a lot of first and second dates that
> then fizzle into nothing, perhaps I should get some emails/texts going a
> bit more. It's that 'getting to know you' part that normally draws an
> epic fail.
>> Local is better, though - the previous attempt (met through a Linux
>> forum!) was in the US, and the first meeting was in Canada. That was
>> less successful, although, I did have a great few days in Toronto, even
>> if it was seeing sights on my own during the more fraught patches. I did
>> manage to fix all the issues on her netbook, though, so, not a complete
>> failure!
> To me local is within 5 miles - although I have started talking to a
> Russian lass on the internet.

To be honest, I've met a few people off these sites, the problem is, they
seem to be full of depressed people that hate their lives (not all, but
most are like it) and I've recently learnt that people that say "huh" or
"what" when they don't hear what you say, REALLY piss me off... especially
when they say it all the time.

Anyway, my advice is to go to a bar somewhere, without taking the laptop,
and without your geek-hat on (I know, but, sometimes you do have to take it
off) and see who you meet, there are some really interesting people out
there. If, like me - you find it hard to talk to fresh people, just take a
few friends along, after a few beers, you'll relax enough to talk to
people, though, not too many beers, then it's anyones guess what could

spend a few hours just talking, you'll know when you've pressed the right
buttons :-)


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