[sclug] sclug Digest, Vol 68, Issue 8

Sat May 30 15:34:28 UTC 2009

Ed,

If as a 50-something who has himself been in a similar situation in the past
I can offer some advice, it is to reinforce what others have said and forget
the screen-based dating thing and go and join clubs and  associations - lots
of them.  80% of them will bring you no luck in finding a partner, but you
can never tell which 80% that is going to be, and you will usually have fun
anyway. Do things you would not dream of doing 'normally' and no matter how
'not me' it may seem, give it a go.  The more variety you have the more
likely you will develop new interests, which in turn will  broaden the pool
from which you will eventually find someone.

Good luck!

Neil

2009/5/30 <sclug-request at sclug.org.uk>

> Send sclug mailing list submissions to
>        sclug at sclug.org.uk
>
> To subscribe or unsubscribe via the World Wide Web, visit
>        http://sclug.org.uk/mailman/listinfo/sclug
> or, via email, send a message with subject or body 'help' to
>        sclug-request at sclug.org.uk
>
> You can reach the person managing the list at
>        sclug-owner at sclug.org.uk
>
> When replying, please edit your Subject line so it is more specific
> than "Re: Contents of sclug digest..."
>
> Today's Topics:
>
>   1. OT: Social question (ed)
>   2. Re: OT: Social question (Keith Edmunds)
>   3. Re: OT: Social question (alan c)
>   4. Re: OT: Social question (Sapan Ganguly)
>   5. Re: OT: Social question (Bob Dunlop)
>
>
> ---------- Forwarded message ----------
> From: ed <ed at s5h.net>
> To: sclug at sclug.org.uk
> Date: Fri, 29 May 2009 18:38:37 +0000
> Subject: [sclug] OT: Social question
> Hi All,
>
> Bit of a random off topic question here.
>
> I've been single a while now, and time and time again, I find my
> (match.com) dates going dry on me due to lack of a common interest.
>
> Is this something that other computer professionals find to be
> problematic given the nature of IT work?
>
> Yeah, bit of an odd question.
>
> Best regards
>
>
>
>
> ---------- Forwarded message ----------
> From: Keith Edmunds <kae at midnighthax.com>
> To: sclug at sclug.org.uk
> Date: Fri, 29 May 2009 20:03:52 +0100
> Subject: Re: [sclug] OT: Social question
> On Fri, 29 May 2009 18:38:37 +0000, ed at s5h.net said:
>
> > I find my
> > (match.com) dates going dry on me due to lack of a common interest.
> >
> > Is this something that other computer professionals find to be
> > problematic given the nature of IT work?
>
> I met a few people via some dating sites in 2001/2002 when I was single,
> and I had the best results with udate.com. If the only interest you have
> is IT then I suspect that could be a problem, but hopefully you have other
> interests as well!
>
> As for me, I met a Swedish doctor of ethology via Udate in 2002, and we
> were married in 2004, so I can't comment on the state of today's online
> dating market.
>
> Keith
>
>
>
> ---------- Forwarded message ----------
> From: alan c <aeclist at candt.waitrose.com>
> To: sclug at sclug.org.uk
> Date: Fri, 29 May 2009 20:51:43 +0100
> Subject: Re: [sclug] OT: Social question
> ed wrote:
> > Hi All,
> > Bit of a random off topic question here.
> > I've been single a while now, and time and time again, I find my
> > (match.com) dates going dry on me due to lack of a common interest.
> >
> > Is this something that other computer professionals find to be
> > problematic given the nature of IT work?
> >
> > Yeah, bit of an odd question.
>
> Odd yes, but there is a profound edge which resonates for me.
>
> I suspect it is a factor related to technical or scientific work and
> training which generally seeks to encourage thinking  processes to the
> detriment of feeling (emotional) processes. And it is likely to be
> more relevant in the areas of most intense logical thought and work,
> which I guess might include IT.
>
> In the 70's as a thirty something, successful professional with a
> couple of degrees and a diploma to my credit, I found that my
> relationships (marriage) and emotional life were in trouble. Sorting
> it out was painful, although ultimately it was clear to me that I had
> ignored, or maybe never been aware of - simply put - feelings. Apart
> from missing out on a lot of real life, it had been too easy to make
> some wrong decisions.
>
> I benefited from some various courses and  counselling, some in
> fringe-like activities and found my feet in what seemed to be the real
> world.
>
> One consequence was that I began to find I had much more in common
> with more people than before because what I might describe as the
> emotional dimension was widely shared by others. Thinking or
> intellectual side of things was no problem for me, it was the the
> emotional existence with all its unpredictable technicolour richness
> that was a surprise.
>
> I believe Descartes got it wrong. It is not I think therefore I am. It
> is I feel therefore I am. Maybe that is what he meant but it got lost
> in translation?
>
> I later met someone new, in fact a social worker, and I am glad to say
> the relationship is rewarding and endures.
>
> hth
> --
> alan cocks
> Ubuntu user #10391
> Linux user #360648
>
>
>
> ---------- Forwarded message ----------
> From: Sapan Ganguly <sapan.ganguly at gmail.com>
> To: ed <ed at s5h.net>
> Date: Fri, 29 May 2009 21:18:02 +0100
> Subject: Re: [sclug] OT: Social question
> I gave up on internet dating and took up a gymnastics class thinking that I
> would get to meet lots of girls...and I did.  But I ended up meeting my
> girlfriend through one of the guys at gymnastics who also does salsa.  I'm
> not sure which of those activities I'm recommending but I discovered that I
> really enjoy gymnastics regardless of whether there are girls there or not
> and I really like watching my girlfriend perform in her salsa shows. :-)
>
>
> 2009/5/29 ed <ed at s5h.net>
>
> > Hi All,
> >
> > Bit of a random off topic question here.
> >
> > I've been single a while now, and time and time again, I find my
> > (match.com) dates going dry on me due to lack of a common interest.
> >
> > Is this something that other computer professionals find to be
> > problematic given the nature of IT work?
> >
> > Yeah, bit of an odd question.
> >
> > Best regards
> >
> >
>
>
>
> ---------- Forwarded message ----------
> From: Bob Dunlop <bob.dunlop at xyzzy.org.uk>
> To: sclug at sclug.org.uk
> Date: Sat, 30 May 2009 00:38:30 +0100
> Subject: Re: [sclug] OT: Social question
> Hi all,
>
> On Fri, May 29 at 06:38, ed wrote:
> ...
> > Is this something that other computer professionals find to be
> > problematic given the nature of IT work?
>
> Been happily married for 25+ years now so my Internet dating experience
> has been quite limited. alt.com, informedconsent.co.uk and a bit of
> flurting on flickr.
>
> As some may spot from the first two in that list I enjoy a little bit
> of BDSM, along with my wife I hasten to add.  Something that has amazed
> us is the number of IT professionals that are into the same thing.  A
> show of hands at a recent munch had 80% of those present working in IT.
>
> A munch is a pub meet of pervs interested in BDSM (but we ain't fussy)
> and the Reading munch is 24 hours after and about 100m down the road from
> the regular SCLUG meeting.
>
> So maybe it's one of those times when meeting people in the real world
> has it advantages.
>
> You've just missed the Berkshire Doms and Subs Munch at the Cunning Man
> in Burghfield and tomorrows (actually todays now I look) Farnborough
> munch in Fleet will be too short notice.
>
> Get out there, not everything will come to a screen in front of you.
> Talk to people, you'll be amazed.
> --
>        Bob Dunlop
>
>
> _______________________________________________
> sclug mailing list
> sclug at sclug.org.uk
> http://sclug.org.uk/mailman/listinfo/sclug
>