[Scottish] OT: If MS made toasters

george scottish at mailman.lug.org.uk
Tue Nov 12 16:28:01 2002

   Slightly OT, but this arrived in my in box this morning.

  If Microsoft made toasters
Every time you bought a loaf of bread, you would have to buy a toaster.
You wouldn't have to take the toaster, but you'd still have to pay for
it anyway. XP Toaster  would weigh 15000 pounds (hence requiring a
reinforced steel countertop), draw enough electricity to power a small
city, take up 95% of the space in your kitchen, would claim to be the
first toaster that lets you control how light or dark you want your
toast to be, and would secretly interrogate your other appliances to
find out who made them. Everyone would hate Microsoft toasters, but
nonetheless would buy them
since most of the good bread only works with their toasters.

If Apple made toasters...
It would do everything the Microsoft toaster does, but 5 years earlier.

If Linux made toasters...
Anyone could build his own toaster from the spare parts in the garage,
but people would still pay money for pre-built toasters. All the parts
would be user serviceable, and the design plans would be freely
downloadable. Instead of the complexity of having to push a button, you
would simply type something like "toast-lightness?rk-bread-type=brown".
The toaster would burn your toast by default, but once you enable the
don't-burn-my-toast" feature in "toaster.conf" (as described in the
TOASTER-RTFM-HOWTO) it would toast reliably for years. People who eat
Linux toast say that it is better than Windows toast.

.... And Microsoft would tell everyone that Linux Toast causes cancer...