[Sussex] From /.

Tue Aug 19 08:12:00 UTC 2003

Nik - excellent!!!!!!

Patents Of Unusual Size - I don't believe they exist!

M.

----- Original Message ----- 
From: <nik at wired4life.org>
To: "Sussex" <sussex at mailman.lug.org.uk>
Sent: Tuesday, August 19, 2003 8:29 AM
Subject: [Sussex] From /.

> This post actually left me with milk going down the wrong way !
>  
>  
>  OT: (You forgot the best part....) (Score:4, Funny)
>  by TitaniumFox (467977) Alter Relationship on 03:01 AM August 19th,
>  2003 (#6729327)
>  (Last Journal: 06:37 AM July 4th, 2003) SCO: So, it is down to you, and
>  it is down to me...if you wish Linux dead, by all means keep moving
>  forward.
>  IBM: Let me explain...
>  SCO: There's nothing to explain. You're trying to kidnap what I have
>  rightfully stolen.
>  IBM: Perhaps an arrangement can be reached?
>  SCO: There will be no arrangements...and you're killing Linux.
>  IBM: But if there can be no arrangement, then we are at an impasse.
>  SCO: I'm afraid so. I can't compete with you physically, and you're no
>  match for my brains.
>  IBM: You're that smart?
>  SCO: Let me put it this way: Have you ever heard or Kernighan, Ritchie,
>  Torvalds?
>  IBM: Yes.
>  SCO: Morons!
>  IBM: Really! In that case, I challenge you to a battle of wits.
>  SCO: For the kernel? To the death? I accept!
>  IBM: Good, then untar the source code. [SCO# tar -xvfz code] Inhale
>  this but do not touch.
>  SCO: [taking a vial from IBM] I smell nothing.
>  IBM: What you do not smell is our patent portfolio. It is odorless,
>  tasteless, and dissolves instantly in source code and is among the more
>  deadly portfolios known to man.
>  SCO: [shrugs with laughter] Hmmm.
>  IBM: [turning his back, and adding the patents to one of the code
>  trees] Alright, where are the patents? The battle of wits has begun. It
>  ends when you decide and we both compile - and find out who is right,
>  and who is dead.
>  SCO: But it's so simple. All I have to do is divine it from what I know
>  of you. Are you the sort of company who would put the patents into his
>  own source code or his enemies? Now, a clever man would put the patents
>  into his own goblet because he would know that only a great fool would
>  reach for what he was given. I am not a great fool so I can clearly not
>  choose the code in front of you...But you must have known I was not a
>  great fool; you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose
>  the code in front of me.
>  IBM: You've made your decision then?
>  SCO: [happily] Not remotely! Because Linux's SMP code originally came
>  from England(1). As everyone knows, England is entirely peopled with
>  criminals. And criminals are used to having people not trust them, as
>  you are not trusted by me. So, I can clearly not choose the code in
>  front of you.
>  IBM: Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.
>  SCO: Wait 'till I get going!! ...where was I?
>  IBM: England.
>  SCO: Yes! AH! And you must have suspected I would have known the source
>  code's origin,so I can clearly not choose the code in front of me.
>  IBM: You're just stalling now.
>  SCO: You'd like to think that, wouldn't you! You've beaten my giant,
>  which means you're exceptionally strong...so you could have put the
>  patents in your own code trusting on your strength to save you, so I
>  can clearly not choose the code in front of you. But, you've also
>  bested my Spaniard, which means you must have studied...and in studying
>  you must have learned that Man is mortal so you would have put the
>  patents as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose
>  the code in front of me!
>  IBM: You're trying to trick me into giving away something. It won't
>  work.
>  SCO: It has worked! You've given everything away! I know where the
>  patents are!
>  IBM: Then make your choice.
>  SCO: I will, and I choose...[pointing behind IBM] What in the world can
>  that be?
>  IBM: [turning around, while SCO switches goblets] What?! Where?! I
>  don't see anything.
>  SCO: Oh, well, I...I could have sworn I saw something. No matter. [SCO
>  laughs]
>  IBM: What's so funny?
>  SCO: I...I'll tell you in a minute. First, lets compile, me from my
>  code and you from yours. [They both compile]
>  IBM: You guessed wrong.
>  SCO: You only think I guessed wrong! That's what's so funny! I switched
>  branches when your back was turned! Ha ha, you fool!! You fell victim
>  to one of the classic blunders. The most famous is never get involved
>  in a land war in Asia; and only slightly less well known is this: Never
>  go in against SCO, when intellectual property is on the line!
> 
>  SCO: HA-HAHA-HAHA AH-HAHA-HAHA (!!) (THUD!)
> 
>  [IBM removes the blindfold from Linux]
> 
>  Linux: Who are you?
>  IBM: I'm no one to be trifled with. That is all you'll ever need know.
>  Linux: And to think, all that time it was your code that was patented.
>  IBM: They were both patented. I spent the last few years building up an
>  impressive patent portfolio.
> 
>  (1) smp.c
>  /*
>      2 * Intel SMP support routines.
>          3 *
>      4 * (c) 1995 Alan Cox, Building #3
>          5 * (c) 1998-99, 2000 Ingo Molnar
>      6 *
>          7 * This code is released under the GNU General
> Public License version 2 or
>      8 * later.
>          9 */
> [ Reply to This | Parent ] 
> -- 
> nik at wired4life.org http://www.wired4life.org/ Wired4Life, an Answer.
> 
> Q: Divide 14 sugar cubes into 3 cups of coffee so that each
> cup has an odd number of sugar cubes.
> A: 1,1,12
> Riposte: 12 isn't odd!
> A: It's an odd number of cubes to put in a cup of coffee (groan)
> 
> 
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> 