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 would be better parents than gay men.Nancy 
Dreyer, a mother in a two-mom family, has noticed this in her 
own life."With gay male friends of ours who have kids, people will 
say, 'My gosh, who takes care of this baby?'    
as if they're not capable," says Dreyer, whose 57 and lives in 
suburban Boston.The assumption, she says, is that men aren't nurturing. 
And if they're too nurturing, she says, people get suspicious, noting that 
no one has ever questioned her and her partner about their ability 
to raise their son, who's now in college.She's noticed the different ways 
society treats gay men and lesbians, partly because she has a brother, 
Benjamin Dreyer, who's gay. The Dreyer siblings say it's difficult to compare 
their experiences because Benjamin came out in college, and Nancy in her 
early 30s.So he was the first to tell their parents. "They yelled 
at me. They took you to dinner," Benjamin Dreyer, who's 54 and 
works in publishing in New York City, now jokes with his sister.Truth 
was, as a young gay man coming of age as the AIDS 
epidemic took hold, his parents simply worried, and with good reason, his 
sister says.There's little doubt, they both say, that AIDS influenced the 
perception of gay men.Benjamin Dreyer says he dealt with societal bias by 
avoiding it, and surrounding himself with people he knew would be supportive, 
including his parents, eventually.But he's also realizing how quickly the 
need to do that is disappearing. He was s
urprised and pleased, for 
instance, when he attended his nephew's high school graduation last year. 
There, he saw a gay male graduate with his boyfriend, open and 
accepted by all his peers."It's mind-boggling," Benjamin Dreyer says. "It's 
wonderful."Carrillo, too, decided to live openly when he arrived at Elmhurst 
College. He joined a fraternity and even painted a rainbow   
 a common symbol of the gay community    on 
his fraternity paddle. To his surprise, there was some backlash from a 
couple of his straight fraternity brothers who feared people would think 
their fraternity was the "gay fraternity.""There's a long way to go," says 
Carrillo, who graduates next month. But he still feels hopeful."Honestly, 
I see it    everywhere there's progress."___Martha Irvine is an 
AP national writer. She can be reached at mirvine(at)ap.org or at http://twitter.com/irvineap

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