[Wolves] Linux for charities - proof read please :)

Adam Sweet wolves at mailman.lug.org.uk
Wed Jul 16 20:59:00 2003


Hi, I gave it the once over, English being my strong
point. Some are typos, some are suggestions that may
or may not be appropriate and some are grammatical or
to reduce ambiguosity.

I have tried to include the page number and relevent
section. Where sentences need rephrasing I have used
quotes to highlight the sentence and used * marks to
show inserted letters and words.

I have nit-picked so you can take some of it with a
pinch of salt as I have tried to be ultra critical.


Page 4: Maybe mention 30 days(or however long) to buy
new Windows license for donated computer, I remember
this coming up at meeting, think by Aq or Ron.

Page 4: Would it be wrong to mention Munich city
migration of 14,000 PCs saving them estimated 2
million?

Page 4: Italic section - insert word 'and "Linux is
free software *and* as such"

Page 5: Typo - "Prepackage*d* solutions" heading

page 5: Typo - Last line of 1st paragraph in
'Pre-packaged solutions' section. Use "administrative
and *non* humanistic issues" as opposed to "not
humanistic"

Page 6: Perhaps mention financial packages like
GNUCash and KMyMoney(?) etc in this section

Page 7: Typo - In 'Server based software' section,
"powerful" rather than "powerfull"

Page 7: Typo - Last line of 'How to get Linux' section
first paragraph "Free softwarec ommunity"

Page 8: "It's inherent multi-user system ensures that
there is only one user, called the superuser, who can
make radical system changes" reduces ambiguosity, also
explains term superuser used a line or 2 down.

Page 8: include comma and rephrase "(which is rare*,
normally* to perform upgrades and configuration)"

Page 8: terms 386 and architecture may be too techy
for some, may be useful to define 386 and architecture
in brackets, such as "anything from a 386 (a very old
Intel computer) upwards and runs on multiple
architectures (computers that use different brands of
processor that work differently, such as Intel
processors, those used in Apple Mackintosh computers
and those used in handheld computers)." You may scrap
this idea as even the word processor might baffle a
few. Depends whether you're aiming at charity IT
people or charity workers themselves.

Page 8: Typo - "powerful", rather than "powerfull"

Page 8: In getting help section. Use of word help
twice in same sentence, suggest use word "support" for
first instance. Pedantic I know...

Page 9: Highlight documentation availability on
websites for major projects, partic Apache, Sendmail,
MySQL, Perl, PHP perhaps even KDE and Open Office in
Internet support section, perhaps mention man page
system, though this may look pale compared to Windows
help system

Page 9: Typo - Apparent double-space in last paragraph
between words "interested" and "in"


After all that, I have to say that it is very good :)

Cheers,

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