[Wolves] 4 Ubuntu Yorkshiremen

[Ron Wellsted]

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Dave Morley wrote:
> Care of Neuro
> 
> The Four Ubuntu Yorkshiremen
> 
> 
> 
> (With apologies to Monty Python)
> 
> Four well-dressed men sitting together at a LUG meeting, surrounding a
> laptop running Ubuntu 9.04.
> 
> First Yorkshireman (1Y): Ahh … Very passable, this, very passable.
> 
> Second Yorkshireman (2Y): Nothing like a good install of Ubuntu Jaunty,
> eh Gessiah?
> 
> Third Yorkshireman (3Y): You’re right there, Obediah.
> 
> Fourth Yorkshireman (4Y): Who’d a thought fifteen years ago we’d all be
> sittin’ here recordin’ a podcast usin’ Jokosher on Ubuntu?
> 
> 1Y: Aye. In them days, we’d a’ been glad to have Slackware installed on
> t’hard disk.
> 
> 2Y: A beta of Slackware.
> 
> 3Y: Without network card or CD-ROM drive.
> 
> 4Y: Or a hard disk!
> 
> 1Y: In a filthy Packard Bell.
> 
> 3Y: We never used to have Packard Bell. We used to have to use RM
> Nimbuses.
> 
> 2Y: The best we could manage was to suck on a piece of a Sinclair QL.
> 
> 4Y: But you know, we were happy in those days, though we were poor.
> 
> 1Y: Aye. Because we were poor. My old Dad used to say to me, “Money
> doesn’t buy you operatin’ systems.”
> 
> 3Y: ‘E was right. I was happier then and I had nothin’. We used to use
> Yggdrasil Linux on an old Compaq with half of case missin’.
> 
> 2Y: Case? You were lucky to have a case! We used to have motherboards
> and components scattered about floor for ’servers, all hundred and
> twenty-six of ‘em, no cable ties. Half the things were un-updated; we
> were all huddled together in one corner for fear of being DDoSed!
> 
> 4Y: You were lucky to have updates! *We* used to have to hand-patch
> kernels every week!
> 
> 1Y: Ohhhh we used to dream of hand-patching kernels! Woulda been a
> weight lifted to us. We used to infiltrate remote systems to snoop on
> the kernel to see what’d been changed the night before to reverse
> engineer t’changes back on our own kernels. Patches!? Hmph.
> 
> 3Y: Well when I say “patch” it was a hard copy of a diff printed on
> continuous paper with the green lines on it, but it were a patch to us.
> 
> 2Y: We stopped gettin’ our hard copies; we had to fly to Finland and get
> Linus to transcribe bloody diffs onto notebooks!
> 
> 4Y: You were lucky to have notebooks! There were a hundred and sixty of
> us passing code changes across Europe by t’game of Chinese Whispers.
> 
> 1Y: By phone?
> 
> 4Y: Aye.
> 
> 1Y: You were lucky. We lived for three months in a telephone exchange
> intercepting phone calls on the off-chance we’d catch your Chinese
> Whispers. We’d scratch the diffs onto nearby bits of copper wire,
> swallow ‘em and spend fourteen hours on bog trying to get em back again
> when we got home. Then our Dad would thrash us t’sleep with his copy of
> BYTE!
> 
> 2Y: Luxury. We use to have to swim t’Finland at three o’clock in the
> morning, sneak up to Torvalds’ house, spy on him until he typed in the
> bits we thought he was changing, scribble them down on newspaper and
> post them and ourselves back by DHL, come home, and Dad would beat us
> around the head and neck with a broken Tulip network card, if we were
> lucky!
> 
> 4Y: Well we had it tough. We used to have to get up at twelve o’clock at
> night, figure out t’diffs by mental projection, lick t’diffs onto
> EEPROMs for 1,166 Swatch Internet beats, debug the compiler with a slide
> rule, and when we got home, our Dad would slice us in two with
> unsheathed Cat 5.
> 
> 3Y: Right. I had to steal kernel diffs from you bastards, invent time
> machine, go back in time, give diffs to Torvalds to implement as the
> first version of the code instead of the twentieth, go forward in time,
> and find all the diffs already implemented in the kernel I got with
> Slackware, and when we got home, our Dad would kill us, and dance about
> on our graves singing the Free Software Song.
> 
> 1Y: But you try and tell the young people today that … and they won’t
> believe ya’.
> 
> ALL: Nope, nope …
> 

ROFLMA
This HAS got to be done on stage at LRL'09

- --
Ron Wellsted
ron at wellsted.org.uk http://www.wellsted.org.uk
N 52.567623, W 2.136111 Linux Counter No. 202120
Ekiga: 645022
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