[Wolves] Friday Funnies

Ron Wellsted ron at wellsted.org.uk
Fri May 15 11:30:23 UTC 2009

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10 Ways Microsoft's Retail Stores Will Differ From Apple Stores

Brennon Slattery, PC World

Feb 13, 2009 3:20 pm

Microsoft to open retail store

Microsoft announced plans to open retail stores, hoping to boost
visibility of many of its products and its brand. The move seems to be
an effort to mimic the success that Apple has had with its retail
stores. The news is just too tempting not to have some fun with. So here
are some yet-to-be-officially-revealed details about the Microsoft stores.

1) Instead of Apple's sheer walls of glass, Microsoft's stores will have
brushed steel walls dotted with holes -- reminiscent of Windows security.

2) The store will have six different entrances Starter, Basic, Premium,
Professional, Enterprise, and Ultimate. While all six doors will lead
into the same store, the Ultimate door requires a fee of $100 for no
apparent reason.

3) Instead of a "Genius Bar" (as Apple provides) Microsoft will offer an
Excuse Bar. It will be staffed by Microsofties trained in the art of
evading questions, directing you to complicated and obscure fixes, and
explaining it's a problem with the hardware -- not a software bug.

4) The Windows Genuine Advantage team will run storefront security,
assuming everybody is a thief until they can prove otherwise.

5) Store hours are undetermined. At any given time the store
mysteriously shuts down instantaneously for no apparent reason. (No word
yet on what happens to customers inside).

6) Stores will be named Microsoft Live Retail Store with PC Services for
Digital Lifestyle Enthusiasts.

7) Fashioned after Microsoft's User Account Control (UAC) in Vista,
sales personnel will ask you whether you're positive you want to
purchase something at least twice.

8) Xbox 360 section of the store will be organized in a ring -- which
will inexplicably go red occasionally.

9) DreamWorks will design a scary in-store theme park ride called "blue
screen of death."

10) Store emergency exits will be unlocked at all times so people can
get in anytime they want even if the front doors are locked.

- --
Ron Wellsted
ron at wellsted.org.uk http://www.wellsted.org.uk
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