[Gllug] urgent need of golf / sport jokes

[Alain Williams]

On Tue, Aug 14, 2001 at 05:17:02PM +0100, simon wrote:
> Do you have any golf/sports related jokes/stories on e mail etc you could
> forward?? friend has been called to give an after dinner golfing  speech.

A quick trawl yeilds (no complaints on quality/...):



World's worst . . . .?

After a long day on the course, the exasperated golfer turned to his
caddie and said, "You must be the absolute worst caddie in the world."
"No, I don't think so," said the caddie.  "That would be too much of a
coincidence."

  Spotted in a golf club:
  GOLFERS PLEASE DO NOT DRINK AND DRIVE

There were four businessmen playing golf, all working for rival
businesses. 

At the first hole, the first man says "I'm so important that my company
has bought me this nuclear-powered mobile phone so I can keep in touch
all over the world. 

At the second hole, the next man says "I'm so important to my company
that they have sewn my mobile phone to the palm of my hand."

At the third hole, the third man starts mumbling away to himself.  "Who
are you talking to?" asks the other three, to which he replies "I'm so
important to my company that they have inserted a miniature mobile phone
in my LIP!.

They get to the fourth hole when all of a sudden the fourth man makes a
dash for the bushes.  They wait for around ten minutes before going to
check if he's all right.  They peep through the bushes and find him
squatting with his trousers around his ankles.  "Oh sorry" they said. 
"It's okay" he replied, "I'm just expecting a fax!"

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers.
Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15
minutes!
Doctor: I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!
Pastor: Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him.
[dramatic pause] Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us?
They're rather slow, aren't they?
George: Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their
sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play
for free anytime.
The group was silent for a moment.
Pastor: That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them
tonight.
Doctor: Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy
and see if there's anything he can do for them.
Engineer: Why can't these guys play at night?

A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The
first of the two-some teed-off and watched in horror as the ball
headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
Indeed, the ball hit one of the men and he immediately clasped his
hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll
around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man and immediately
began to apologize. She then explained that she was a physical
therapist and offered to help ease his pain. "Please allow me to help,
I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd
just allow me," she told him earnestly. "Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I'll be
alright...I'll be fine in a few minutes," he replied as he remained in
the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch.
The woman takes it upon herself to begin to ease his pain. She began
to massage his groin. After a few moments she asked, "Does that feel
better?" The man looked up at her and replied, "Yes, that feels pretty
good...but my thumb still hurts like hell."


-- 
Alain Williams

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