[Gloucs] Funnys!

[Roy M]

Actual call centre conversations !!!!!
.......if you can believe it

Customer:     "I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't get 
through to enquiries, can you help?".
Operator:     "Where did you get that number from, sir?".
Customer:     "It was on the door to the Travel Centre".
Operator:     "Sir, they are our opening hours".

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Samsung Electronics
Caller:          "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
Operator:     "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking 
about".
Caller:          "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly 
states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and 
telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for 
Jack?"
Operator:      "I think you mean the telephone point on the wall".
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RAC Motoring Services
Caller:          "Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am 
travelling in Australia?"

Operator:      " Doesn't the product give you a clue?"
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Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France):
"If I register my car in France, do I have to change the steering wheel 
to the other side of the car?"
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Directory Enquiries
Caller:               "I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in 
Cardiff please".
Operator:          "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling 
correct?"
Caller:               "Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar 
but the 'B' fell off".
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Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator:        "Woven? Are you sure?"
Caller:             "Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in 
Scotland".
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On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone 
box told a worried operator:

"I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number 
on".
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Tech Support:      "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop".
Customer:             "OK".
Tech Support:      "Did you get a pop-up menu?".
Customer:             "No".
Tech Support:      "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer:             "No".
Tech Support:      "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until 
this point?".

 Customer:            "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 
'click'".
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Tech Support:          "OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, 
can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer:                 "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
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Caller:  "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised 
that I need it.

If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back 
again?".
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There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a 
long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired This is 
a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from 
a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the 
Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the 
Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause".
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now 
I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator:         "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"
Caller:              "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Operator:         "What sort of trouble??"
Caller:              "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden 
the words went away."
Operator:         "Went away?"
Caller:              "They disappeared."
Operator:         "Hmm So what does your screen look like now?"
Caller:              "Nothing."
Operator:         "Nothing??"
Caller:              "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Operator:         "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"
Caller:              "How do I tell?"
Operator:         "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"
Caller:              "What's a sea-prompt?"
Operator:         "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the 
screen?"
Caller:              "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't 
accept anything I type."
Operator:         "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
Caller:              "What's a monitor?"
Operator:         "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like 
a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's     on??"
Caller:               "I don't know."
Operator:          "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find 
where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"
Caller:              "Yes, I think so."
Operator:         "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if 
it's plugged into the wall.

Caller:              "Yes, it is."
Operator:         "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that 
there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"
Caller:               "No."
Operator:          "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again 
and find the other cable."
Caller:               "Okay, here it is."
Operator:          "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged 
securely into the back of your computer."
Caller:               "I can't reach."
Operator:          "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"
Caller:               "No."
Operator:          "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and 
lean way over??"
Caller:               "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle 
- it's because it's dark."
Operator:          "Dark??"
Caller:               "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light 
I have is coming in from the window.

" Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Caller:               "I can't."
Operator:          "No? Why not??"
Caller:               "Because there's a power failure."
Operator:  "A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it 
licked now.

Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer 
came in??"

Caller:               "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Operator:           "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack 
it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store 
you bought it from."
Caller:                "Really? Is it that bad?"
Operator:            "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Caller:                 "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell 
them??"
Operator:            "Tell them you're too flipping stupid to own a 
computer!!!!!"

I was feeling a little nosey, so I thought I would look in on you and 
see if you are sitting at your computer...



Yup, there you are!

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-- 
Roy Meddings in attractive Herefordshire, UK.