[SC.LUG] Emacs vs Vi vs csh vs bash

[Martyn Kinder]

Not original - but as its only text I thought that I would share it with
you rather than wasting index finger energy opening new browsers.


KM

TASK: Shoot yourself in the foot.
=================================


C: 
You shoot yourself in the foot.

Assembly: 
You crash the OS and overwrite the root disk. The system administrator
arrives and shoots you in the foot. After a moment of contemplation, the
administrator shoots himself in the foot and hops around the room
rabidly shooting at everyone in sight.

APL: 
You hear a gunshot, and there's a hole in your foot, but you don't
remember enough linear algebra to understand what the hell happened.

C++: 
You accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all
in the foot. Providing emergency medical care is impossible since you
can't tell which which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at
others and saying, "that's me, over there."

Ada: 
If you are dumb enough to actually use this language, the United States
Department of Defense will kidnap you, stand you up in front of a firing
squad, and tell the soldiers, "Shoot at his feet."

MODULA-2: 
After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in the
language, you shoot yourself in the head.

Pascal: 
Same as Modula-2, except the bullets are the wrong type and won't pass
through the barrel. The gun explodes.

sh,csh,etc: 
You can't remember the syntax for anything, so you spend five hours
reading man pages before giving up. You then shoot the computer and
switch to C.

Unix: 
% ls
foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o
% rm * .o
rm:.o no such file or directory
% ls
%

Concurrent Euclid: 
You shoot yourself in somebody else's foot.

370 JCL: 
You send your foot down to MIS and include a 400-page document
explaining exactly how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your
foot comes back deep-fried.

Paradox: 
Not only can you shoot yourself in the foot, your users can, too.

Access: 
You try to point the gun at your foot, but it shoots holes in all your
Borland distribution diskettes instead.

Revelation: 
You're sure you're going to be able to shoot yourself in the foot, just
as soon as you figure out what all these nifty little bullet-thingies
are for.

Smalltalk: 
You spend so much time playing with the graphics and windowing system
that your boss shoots you in the foot, takes away your workstation, and
makes you develop in COBOL on a character terminal.

FORTRAN: 
You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes,
then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets,
you continue anyway because you have no exception-processing ability.

ALGOL: 
You shoot yourself in the foot with a musket. The musket is
aesthetically fascinating, and the wound baffles the adolescent medic in
the emergency room.

COBOL: 
USEing a COLT45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER
in HANDGUN.TRIGGER, and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. Check
whether shoelace needs to be retied.

BASIC: 
Shoot self in foot with water pistol. On big systems, continue until
entire lower body is waterlogged.

Visual Basic: 
You'll really only _appear_ to have shot yourself in the foot, but
you'll have had so much fun doing it that you won't care.

HyperTalk: 
Put the first bullet of gun into foot left of leg of you. Answer the
result.

Motif: 
You spend days writing a UIL description of your foot, the bullet, its
trajectory, and the intricate scrollwork on the ivory handles of the
gun. When you finally get around to pulling the trigger, the gun jams.

PL/I: 
You consume all available system resources, including all the offline
bullets. The DataProcessing&Payroll Department doubles its size, triples
its budget, acquires four new mainframes, and drops the original one on
your foot.

Forth: 
Foot in yourself shoot.

Prolog: 
You tell your program that you want to be shot in the foot. The program
figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't permit it to explain it
to you.

SNOBOL: 
You grab your foot with your hand, then rewrite your hand to be a
bullet. The act of shooting the original foot then changes your
hand/bullet into yet another foot (a left foot).

LISP: 
You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you
shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot
yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot
yourself in the appendage which holds ...

SCHEME: 
You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you
shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot
yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot
yourself in the appendage which holds ... but none of the other
appendages are aware of this happening.

English: 
You put your foot in your mouth, then bite it off

===================
Martyn Kinder G0CZD
===================

Web: 
http://www.czd.org.uk

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