[sclug] OT: Social question

alan c aeclist at candt.waitrose.com
Fri May 29 19:51:43 UTC 2009

ed wrote:
> Hi All,
> Bit of a random off topic question here.
> I've been single a while now, and time and time again, I find my
> (match.com) dates going dry on me due to lack of a common interest.
> Is this something that other computer professionals find to be
> problematic given the nature of IT work?
> Yeah, bit of an odd question.

Odd yes, but there is a profound edge which resonates for me.

I suspect it is a factor related to technical or scientific work and
training which generally seeks to encourage thinking  processes to the
detriment of feeling (emotional) processes. And it is likely to be
more relevant in the areas of most intense logical thought and work,
which I guess might include IT.

In the 70's as a thirty something, successful professional with a
couple of degrees and a diploma to my credit, I found that my
relationships (marriage) and emotional life were in trouble. Sorting
it out was painful, although ultimately it was clear to me that I had
ignored, or maybe never been aware of - simply put - feelings. Apart
from missing out on a lot of real life, it had been too easy to make
some wrong decisions.

I benefited from some various courses and  counselling, some in
fringe-like activities and found my feet in what seemed to be the real

One consequence was that I began to find I had much more in common
with more people than before because what I might describe as the
emotional dimension was widely shared by others. Thinking or
intellectual side of things was no problem for me, it was the the
emotional existence with all its unpredictable technicolour richness
that was a surprise.

I believe Descartes got it wrong. It is not I think therefore I am. It
is I feel therefore I am. Maybe that is what he meant but it got lost
in translation?

I later met someone new, in fact a social worker, and I am glad to say
the relationship is rewarding and endures.

alan cocks
Ubuntu user #10391
Linux user #360648

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